Wake Up!

 I like to spend a lot of time on my blog talking about God's love.  I think it's important for those who once lived lives of sin to know that God doesn't hold their past against them, and reminding other Christians that we shouldn't either.  It's the truth, and is often preached, but isn't always lived.

God's love is important.  I want everyone to know of it, but even more, I want everyone to actually know it.  It's a good topic to talk on.

But right now, I am sad, and angry.  I think the fancy word for that is grieved.  I think I've talked a bit about this before, but I feel like it needs brought up again.

The church in America is asleep at best and dead at worst.  The church in America has a tendency to be lukewarm.  God hates lukewarm.  As he told the church of Laodicea:

"But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!" — Revelation 3:16 NLT

 Over 50% of people in the United States say that they are Christians (source).  There are 328.2 million people in the US.  Even 50% is almost 200 million people.  Almost 200 million people say that they are Christians.

And you have the nerve to tell me that there is still so much evil in America?  And it's getting worse?  Wake up already.  You sit in your pews and sometimes you might give, and sometimes, sometimes you don't even go to church, you sit at home and watch an online service (understandable in certain circumstances), or you even just sleep in on Sunday, because, well, God knows you're a good person after all.  But you don't even know the God you claim to serve!

You can list more Pokémon than you can quote Bible verses!  And no, this isn't a dig at Pokémon, I love Pokémon.  You can list more Disney characters than people from the Bible (another fandom I enjoy)!  You can retell every episode of your favorite TV show, but you don't even know the story of Jael (Judges 4, if you're interested)!

No, being a Christian isn't all about knowing about God, but when you know more about the things in the world than you do about the God you claim to love and serve, the one who isn't gonna let you go to hell because you're a "good person...."  Honey, you done screwed up.

No, God doesn't want you to go to hell.  He straight up says that he doesn't want anyone to be destroyed.

"The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent." — II Peter 3:9 NLT

But you have to repent.  And if you're living your life all lukewarm, like the church in Laodicea mentioned in Revelation, you're screwed.  And you screwed yourself over, God didn't do that to you.

"You say, ‘I am rich. I have everything I want. I don’t need a thing!’ And you don’t realize that you are wretched and miserable and poor and blind and naked." — Revelation 3:17 NLT

This is what God said to the church of Laodicea, and we are blind in America if we think God isn't saying this to us.

Like I pointed out in my post Stop. Praying., if we, as the church, actually followed what our God asked us to do, and speak up for those who can't speak up for themselves (Proverbs 31:8-9), took care of the abundant amount of widows and fatherless in our country (James 1:27), gave to those who had need (Luke 12:33), and just generally loved others as we love ourselves (Matthew 22:39), we wouldn't have all the issues that we're having.

There would be decent people in office, because the over 50% of Christians would get out there and vote in decent humans, who truly care about helping others.  The over 50% of Christians would stand up and ask God to use them and to put them in positions where they can be the ones voted in to help others.  If every single one of the over 50% of people who say that they're Christians truly knew the God I know, and truly cared about doing his will, then we could be over here moving mountains.

Wake up!  Please!  I'm begging you!  Wake up!  Do what God has asked you to do, live the life he's asked you to live!  It's not easy.  I promise you that right now.  If it were easy, I wouldn't be writing this blog post with tears in my eyes, nervous to even post it because I'm afraid of the backlash.  But it is good.  It is rewarding.

When you allow God to love others through you, it's incredible the changes you can see in a person.  It's amazing to see his love change others.  It's amazing to see his love change you as you let him work through you.

Please...wake up.

God's message to the church of Laodicea didn't end by him calling them lukewarm and arrogant and saying he was going to spit them out and be done with them.  Because he wasn't done with them.  He didn't write them off, he didn't say, "Welp, y'all are too stupid and I am done.  G'bye!"

This is how he continued his letter to them:

"So I advise you to buy gold from me—gold that has been purified by fire. Then you will be rich. Also buy white garments from me so you will not be shamed by your nakedness, and ointment for your eyes so you will be able to see.  I correct and discipline everyone I love. So be diligent and turn from your indifference." — Revelation 3:18-19

He said, "Come back to me."  He said, "Stop acting like this."  He said, "I will help you see what is right to do and do it."  He said, "I love you.  Act like you love me."

And then he ended his letter like this:

"“Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends.  Those who are victorious will sit with me on my throne, just as I was victorious and sat with my Father on his throne." — Revelation 3:20-21 NLT

 There is hope.  We can still be victorious.  But you have to wake up first.  Please...please...wake up.

"“Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light.” — Ephesians 3:14b NLT

Stop. Praying.

Alright, that was more than a little click-baity, coming from me, and obviously I'm not encouraging you not to pray, because that would violate I Thessalonians 5:17.

"Never stop praying." — I Thessalonians 5:17 NLT

Please pray.  Pray is our greatest weapon.  Unfortunately, often, it's also our greatest copout.
I'm in several groups on Facebook, and in one of them we have daily discussions and questions and polls.  One of the questions was, "If you're nonreligious, do you get offended when people say they're praying for you?"  Unfortunately, the answer was often, "Yes, because they say that instead of actually offering help and support."
And sadly...they're right.
I'm wonderfully blessed to be part of a church that is constantly giving their time and resources.  They show fruit and shine God's light.  I've also been in churches where those who desperately needed help were ignored or even helped by members of a different church.  Churches where they'll pray for you all day long, but when you need help, you're on your own.
That's the exact opposite of what we, as Christians, are to do.

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." — James 1:27 NLT

Who are the orphans and widows?  Obviously we do have widows and orphans.  Kiddos in the foster care system (over 400K of them), single mothers, and children in single parent homes (over 24 MILLION).  Care for them!  I would have killed (slight exaggeration) to have a father figure who didn't leave or abuse me as a child, who would take me to father/daughter dances and just been a safe adult man that I could have had a close friendship with.
It doesn't take much.  Sometimes all that's needed is a listening ear.  Sometimes what's needed is someone to mow the yard.  Sometimes it's just an extra hug, or financial aid.  Sometimes that may mean opening up your home to foster children (a couple in my church is setting up and planning to adopt through the foster care...TWENTY kids, not just one).

"A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself." — Matthew 22:39 NLT

When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, he said to love God, and that this was the second greatest commandment.  Loving others.  Not just loving others, but loving them as yourself.
As someone who has struggled with mental illness, I'm gonna be honest, I don't always love myself, and sometimes I don't take care of myself.  But I always make sure that I have food available to eat, even if I don't feel like eating, I always make sure that I have my utilities on, I always make sure that my cat has food, I always make sure that I have plenty of enjoyable activities like art and video games.  That's how I love myself and take care of myself.
Likewise, I should make sure that my friends, family, neighbors, strangers, those around me who I have the opportunity to help have those things.  If I can help, I should.  Not just sit here and go, "Oh, God, my friend Annabelle doesn't have food in her cupboard, please provide her some food!" then go buy myself some Taco Bell.
I shouldn't sit here and go, "Oh, God, my friend Ronald is sad and lonely, and needs someone to remind him of your love, please send him someone to tell him that you love him!" then scroll by.
I shouldn't drive past the beggar on the side of the road and go, "Oh, God, first of all I bet he's a drunk and so I won't give him money, but good grief give him some help!" when I have some money I can give.

"Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow." — Matthew 5:42 NLT

Furthermore, we are told specifically to give to anyone who asks.  Anyone.  Unless you honestly feel GOD himself pressing you not to give, then you need to give.  I need to give.  What they do with the money you give is between them and God.  If they are not a good steward of what God gives them through you, that is a them problem.  What is a you problem is when you refuse to give, due to your own biases.

"Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven!" — Luke 12:33a NLT

Reading this verse in the full context, it's referring to not worrying about your daily needs because God already knows your needs and will take care of you.
I, personally, can attest to this.  I don't make a lot of money.  I make the opposite of a lot of money.  However, since I've moved out on my own, I haven't had anything shut off.  Not the super important utilities, to the less important Netflix.  God has taken care of me.  When I've needed help, it's come.  Sometimes without even asking anyone other than God.

"And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’" Matthew 25:40 NLT

Shame

Shame.  What is shame?
According to the dictionary on Google, shame is:

"a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior."

Pain.  Humiliation.  Distress.  Yuck.  Those words make me think of feelings that...aren't enjoyable.  Along with them come fear, and anger.  It makes me want to isolate myself from everyone else, because if I don't isolate myself, I fear that I'll lash out.
We all have a different relationship with shame.  Maybe when you feel ashamed it makes you want to just ignore the shame and do everything regardless.  Maybe when you feel shame, you begin blaming everyone else for your pain and distress.  Maybe you get mean.  Maybe you just shut down.  I don't know, God has made us all weirdly and beautifully unique, even down to our reactions to the same type of stimuli.
Shame is, unfortunately, a part of life.  If you don't dress right, don't talk right, if your family has the wrong last name, if you've been abused, if you grew up poor, etc.  Sometimes others make us feel shamed, sometimes we make ourselves feel shamed.  It's an awful feeling.
And it doesn't belong in the church.
I was talking to my mom and a friend earlier, and I realized that the church tends to have this love affair with shame.  We call ourselves sinners, even though we've been saved by grace, adopted into God's family, and made new.  We refuse to forgive ourselves and others for sins that God has already long since forgiven.  This is something that was actually brought up at church this Sunday.

"For by grace you have been saved through faith." — Ephesians 2:8a ESV

" Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come."  — II Corinthians 5:17 ESV

I didn't realize until August 2019 that I was still holding shame over things that I did years ago.  God had forgiven me, why hadn't I forgiven me?  Not only that, but I held onto shame over things that others did against me, that I had no control over.  And why?  Isn't that ridiculous?
Yes, it is.  Shame is a lie.  A stupid lie that we buy into again and again.  And lies come from the devil, who should not be trusted.

"...he is a liar and the father of lies." — John 8:44b NLT

When we buy into the lie of shame, it weakens us.  We become afraid, and timid.  We become so wrapped up in our shame of being sinners that we become afraid to approach our father.  We allow ourselves to continue feeling condemned for things that Jesus already paid the price for!

"So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus." — Romans 8:1 NLT

When we buy into the lie of shame, we allow ourselves to become controlled by our fear.  Not just controlled by our fear, but slaves to our fear.  God doesn't want us to live in bondage.  He adopted us, made us his children.

"So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”" — Romans 8:15 NLT

God wants us to be his children, not his slaves.  And we make ourselves slaves when we have an affair with shame.  When we refuse the Devil's lie of shame, and rely on the grace of our Heavenly Father, we are able to come before God boldly with our needs.

"So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it most." — Hebrews 4:16 NLT

But...shame is so easy to hold onto...it's strong.  It's a thick smog.  How do you get rid of it?

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” — John 8:32 NLT

Shame is a lie.  The only way to battle a lie is with the truth.  We must rely on the truths already shared here.  Romans 8:15, Romans 8:1 (honestly the whole chapter of Romans 8 is fantastic), Hebrews 4:16, Ephesians 2:8,  II Corinthians 5:17,  II Timothy 1:7, Romans 8:38-39, so, so, so many verses.
Look up verses on love, forgiveness and mercy.  Those are things that are true and are the things we should focus our mind on, not the lies of the devil trying to cancel our boldness, freedom and salvation.

"Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces." — Psalm 34:5 NLT

The Missing Kitty

Those of you who know me in person know that I'm a crazy cat lady in training.  I only have two cats, but I'm trying to get a head start on the crazy.  I love my cats more than I love most humans (this is mostly a joke), and if I ever become so poor that it's me or my cats getting food, I'm gonna get them something first.
I love my cats.  I could tell you loads about them.  About how Tabitha was a girl, but apparently he was just a late bloomer, and by the time I found out that he was a boy it was too late to change his name.  About how I accidentally trained Poro to sit on command.  I could whisper to you that I love Poro better (I love him different) than Tabitha and that he is my most special baby (kinda true).
But this isn't about that.
Poro is missing.  He got out Monday night, and I noticed his actual absence on Tuesday.  He's a shy, independent loner cat, so I figured he was just hanging out on his own Monday night.  But Tuesday when I got back from dental surgery (that's another story), I couldn't find him.
I looked through the entire house.  I looked in his favorite spots, on my bed, places he rarely goes, in every window, under the beds.  He was gone.  He's still missing.  Eventually, I realized that he probably got out Monday and I didn't notice because it was dark, and he's a mostly black cat.
I've had him for about 5-6 years.  He's my baby.  I love that cat so much.  He took my last bit of money last month because I discovered that he had worms.  He completely clawed me up as I tried to get two pills down his throat.  He continued to claw me up as he got a bath because he peed in the carrier on the way to the vet and it got all over him.
And that didn't change my love for him.
He's been gone almost a week and I miss him even more now than I did Tuesday when I realized he was gone.  If I knew where to look, I'd be looking.  I'm pretty sure he went out in the country area though...but that's not my property, and I'm not allowed back there.
I've prayed so many times for him to come home safe and sound.  I've begged God to please bring my baby home, because I miss him, and even Tabitha is getting extra clingy and misses him.  He's a quiet, independent loner boy, but his absence fills the house.
And then I had a thought.
Poro is my 1 in the 99.  The one that I want to come back to me.
Jesus told a story of a shepherd who had one sheep who strayed.  The shepherd left his 99 other sheep behind to go find and rescue his lost lamb.  When he found it, he carried it home on his shoulders, rejoicing all the way home, and when he got to his friends, he told his friends to rejoice with him.

"So Jesus told them this story: “If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them gets lost, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until he finds it? And when he has found it, he will joyfully carry it home on his shoulders.  When he arrives, he will call together his friends and neighbors, saying, ‘Rejoice with me because I have found my lost sheep.’ In the same way, there is more joy in heaven over one lost sinner who repents and returns to God than over ninety-nine others who are righteous and haven’t strayed away!" — Luke 15:3-7 NLT

 And then I had another thought.
I'm over here praying several times a day, almost in tears, over my lost kitty.  I know that God cares about my kitty, because he cares about the sparrows, and my kitty is bigger than a sparrow.  I know he cares about my kitty because I care about my kitty and he cares about me.

"What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it." — Matthew 10:29 NLT

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you." — I Peter 5:7 NLT

He knows where my Poro cat is, and he cares because I care.  But do you know what he cares about more?  The souls of my friends and family who don't know him, who haven't been redeemed and adopted by him, who don't have the same peace that I do.

"This is good and pleases God our Savior, who wants everyone to be saved and to understand the truth." — I Timothy 2:3-4 NLT

And do you know how often I pray for them?  It's not that I don't pray for them.  I do.  Usually once a day at a prayer time that my family has come together and decided is our family prayer time, despite us all living far away from each other.
But I only pray for them maybe once a day.  Sometimes more if I'm thinking about them.  Guys, Poro means the world to me.  I adore him and I love him and I miss him and I just want to hug him again.  But the humans in my life matter more.
It's not fun to realize that you're wrong.  It's even less fun to admit that you're wrong.  But I was wrong.  It's not wrong for me to pray for Poro to come home...but I should be praying as fervently for my friends and family to "come home."
I'm not going to say that I'm now magically amazing at praying for the humans in my life to be saved.  I'm not.  But now I'm aware that I have a problem, and I plan to make an effort to fix it.  My prayers have power...I should make use of it.

"The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." — James 5:16b

Ephesians 3:20-21

I run a Facebook group dedicated to mental health and recovery, and from this group has sprang up a few different group chats.  One of them is a Bible Study group chat, where we can all share the verses that are speaking to us at the moment and have theological discussion.
My aunt is a part of the group and she almost always, every morning, drops a Bible verse in the Bible Study group chat.  I usually read it, feel happy, go about my day, sometimes respond.  But, this morning after she did that, I was reading through one of my reading plans on the YouVersion Bible app (it has the Katie recommended seal of approval), and came across Ephesians 3:20-21.

(Picture generated by YouVersion Bible app, verse is KJV)

I shared that image in the group chat, and left it.
But, the best part about group chats is that there are other people in them, who can offer their input.  And my aunt did.

"I've prayed this verse so many times and it didn't happen like I thought I would... So I got to thinking that maybe God doesn't always give us more than we ask if we don't take care of what He does give us...

So I've been trying to make that right and take care of what I have...

Now, I wonder if I just don't really believe this deep down... I know God promises our needs as well, and so I trust that promise... And He has never failed to follow through.

But since I feel like I just now have a good handle with what He has given, I don't know that I fully believe He will give more than I ask or think..."

Sometimes verses like Ephesians 3:20-21 are turned into prosperity gospel.  The idea that if we give xyz to God, then he'll pour back into us more than we can imagine...which isn't exactly false.  But when this verse is discussed, it's almost always about the physical.  If we give our time to God, he'll give us money.  If we give our money to God, he'll give us stuff.  If we give our service to God, he'll give us MORE money and stuff.
Maybe we have it wrong what he's going to pour out to us.
He promises to supply all of our needs.

“But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 4:19 KJV

But is what we need more stuff?
It's nice, I gotta admit.  I enjoy my stuff.  Please do not take any of my 200 (didn't actually count them) stuffed animals.  Most of them have names and are special.  Please don't take my books or video games, or movies.  I like my stuff.
Money is very nice.  A little to fall back on in case of an emergency.  A nice savings account.  Being able to go out with friends and pick up the check and the tip.  Being able to buy that cool thing at Walmart without checking the price.  Splurging on beef sticks.  Buying the ever expensive, but always delicious beef jerky.
But is it really what we need?
There are Christians in countries that aren't the USA who are being tortured, killed, beheaded, and imprisoned.  Just because they're Christians who refuse to renounce Christ.  They don't have stuff.  And if we believe stuff is our need, then God isn't supplying all their need.  So...God must be lying.
But.  My God isn't a liar.
I've quoted this verse in almost every post I've made on this blog...because it is one of my favorites.

"...be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.” — Hebrews 13:5b

Be content with what you have.  Why?  Because God is not going to leave us or forsake us.  He is all we need.  God supplies us with himself.  With his grace, and mercy, peace that passes understanding.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." — Philippians 4:7 KJV

And besides just supplying us with himself, he takes care and interest into our lives and our wants, and our physical needs.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all." — Matthew 6:25-32 ESV

He knows we have these physical needs.  He cares about us, and he cares about our needs.  I've never gone without clothing.  Even when I was growing up, and thought we weren't going to have food to eat, God always supplied the food.  I didn't starve.
But, at the end of the day, our biggest need is him.  Our only lasting need, is him.
That's why, to me, Hebrews 13:5b is so important.  It covers more than just one thing.  It covers my abandonment issues (written about here).  And it reminds me to be content with what I have...even if all I have is God.
Our lives on earth are so short.  But they aren't meaningless.  In the vastness of the universe, we are smaller than a speck of dust, and dust is smaller still.  Yet the maker of the universe, the creator of all that is, takes an interest in us, and loves us.  Not because we're worthy of his love, but because...because he just does.  There is no logical reason why God should love us.  Left to our own devices, the worst of us murder, rape, and torture, and the best of us tend to wind up bitter about one thing or another, and what good we do wind up doing takes a lot of work and effort.

 "Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom." — Psalm 90:12 NLT

"...yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes." — James 4:14 ESV

 Yet despite our inconsequentialness and self-centeredness, God takes interest in us and loves us.  The thing is, like my friend Linda (another lady within the group) said, God sees the big picture.  We don't.  We barely even see what's right in front of us.

"For now we see through a glass, darkly..." — I Corinthians 13:12a.

Something else my friend Linda said was:

"God gives us what we need when we need it. Our finite imagination can't fathom what He can do. It also doesn't fully comprehend the difference between our wants and our needs. "

I've been told that I have a big imagination.  I can imagine...a lot, both good and bad. But Linda's right.  I can't imagine all that God can do.  I can't imagine a world without pain and suffering...I can't imagine heaven.
What she ended her message with was this:

"Part of being a good steward is accepting what He gives us and being content because we know He has our eternal best interest in mind."

My aunt replied (I'm paraphrasing) that sometimes later down the road, we see that what God gave us was better than what we wanted, whined about, cried over, and asked for.
I cried over my ex.  I wanted to marry him.  I wanted a life with him.  But had I married him, it would have been a horribly lonely, unfulfilling marriage.  We would have been at each other's throats.  I didn't see it at the time, though.  I saw his potential.  But potential is not who a person is.
I asked God to let what was best happen, and begged for what was best to be my relationship mending and being restored. But what wound up happening was that we broke up (maybe I'll write a fuller post about that at some point in time).  And it didn't feel like what was the best.
But things are better now...because I don't have what I thought I needed and wanted.  Because, surprise surprise, the one who made everything knew better than I did.
God can do above and beyond what we could ever ask or think.  And sometimes what he does, doesn't entail giving us what we want.  Because he's above and beyond us.  Beyond our very understanding.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.  And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine." — Isaiah 55:8 NLT

And that's okay.  Because this:

""For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."" — Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

And this:

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." — Romans 8:28 KJV

Things may not go the way we think they ought to.  And we may not get everything we want or think we need.  We may not be blessed abundantly with stuff and money.  And that's okay.  We are blessed with God.

Introduction

Hello!
This blog, Love, Not Shame, is designed to show others, Christian and non-Christian, that God is a God of love, not of shame.  Beyond that, it is also intended to encourage others to turn to God and lean on him wholeheartedly, relying on him and his word to determine how they should behave as Christians—not using other Christians as their example.
I, Katie, will be talking about all sorts of things in these posts.  I'm young (22), and frankly, the older I get, the less I know, but God has given me a story, and the ability to type and write, and format my thoughts into a text form...it would be a waste not to at least try.
I'm not perfect.  And my initial thought when I thought about writing "Love, Not Shame," was going to be an autobiography.  I'm not sure why I've been compelled to start this blog.  Whatever I say here, please read the Bible for yourself to come to your own conclusion.  But do read the Bible to come to your conclusion, don't just go with what others tell you.
A lot of my posts will probably touch on mental health, or sexual abuse, two of my biggest passions.  I may also share some of my notes from Bible Studies and sermons that I listen to or attend.  I'm going to do my best to make my posts follow God's will.
It's scary to do God's will sometimes.  I've messed up.  A lot.  And sometimes I feel imposter syndrome creeping up.  Like I have no right to try to reach out to others for Christ, because I've messed up so much, myself.  I get angry, and sometimes in my anger I do sin, which is the opposite of what a Christian is supposed to do.  As I go on in this blog, I'm sure that I'll share more about my life, and my mistakes and all that...but right now, I'm not sure I'm ready.
Sometimes I have to remind myself that one of the most influential people for God's kingdom (Paul) used to murder the very people he began ministering to.  The story of Saul to Paul is an amazing story of how God can redeem even the worst of people.  He loves everyone and his grace extends to, again everyone!  (Saul to Paul can be found in Acts 9, and if you don't have a Bible, one of my favorite websites and apps is Bible Gateway)
I tried to pour some symbolism into this blog, as well.  For some of you who may know me outside of this blog, and haven't just stumbled across it, you know that I'm also an author.  I love symbolism.  I love when names mean things (sometimes I don't even realize the meaning until I've written the book).  I love slipping little jokes in, or naming things literally, by using other names for them.  So it makes sense that I would want some symbolism in this blog, too.
The white background is because in the Bible, white symbolizes purity and victory.  We are called to be pure, like Christ.  And if we seek to be like him, and we succeed, through his help, we will be victorious and reign with Jesus.  The green font for certain things symbolizes newness.  God is making all things new.  He makes us new.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.[a] The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." — II Corinthians 5:17

And the font is just because I like the Lora font.  I'm not sure why I like it so much.  That is one area where there is no symbolism.  I just like it.
The name of the blog comes from something a friend told me near the end of this summer, when I was struggling immensely.  We had just finished watching something on Netflix, and it had touched on shame.  Something that I've struggled with my whole life.  Some of the shame came from my own actions.  Some of it was placed on me by people who should have protected me.  I spent a good hour crying, as I told him about how rough this summer had been.  And he hugged me, and talked with me, and finally, one of the big things he told me was this:
"My God is a God of love, not shame."
And it's true.  God isn't a God who wants you to live in shame.  Shame is bondage!  He came to free us from our chains!  Why would he put us in more bondage?  Uh, he wouldn't, that's why.  He wants you to live free, in truth, in love.  If you've asked God for forgiveness, and are seeking to live a life for him, you have no reason to even feel guilt.  Sometimes you have to forgive yourself.  And that's what I had to learn at the end of this summer.
My goals are to help show you God's love and truth, and to make you think.  If God is able to use me to do that, then my job on this blog has been done well.

Love,
Katie