My Feelings Are Not My Faith

My church has started putting what they call a "Food 4 Thought" in our Sunday bulletin.  They are typically quotes by Christians, or just other things to get us thinking, and this is one we had awhile back, when we were still meeting in person.

"My feelings are important for many things.  They are essential and valuable.  They keep me aware of much that is true and real.  But they tell me next to nothing about God or my relationship to God.  My security comes from who God is, not from how I feel.  Discipleship is a decision to live by what I know about God, not by what I feel about him or my neighbors." — Eugene H. Peterson

As someone who struggles with my self worth, and fears of abandonment, a lot of the time my feelings are liars.  I have great gut instincts, but I also have anxiety.  As such, when my aunt told me to follow my gut about something earlier, my response was, "I have anxiety, my gut is literally always telling me to abort mission."  I've still not decided what to do in that situation, either.
I grew up in a church that made me feel like my existence was wrong.  Not that I was necessarily doing anything wrong, but that by just existing, I was wrong.  I grew up in shame.  I grew up fearful that God was a father like my earthly father...someone who really didn't want me.
As I got older, it started to weigh on me that God was not a God that I could ever please.  I felt like everything I did was going to upset him.  I felt confused, and unsure of what he even wanted from me.
Between the legalistic strictness of the church I grew up in, my own fears and the way I was treated at the Christian school I attended, God became a big, angry, unloving being.  I could never please him.  He would never truly love me, because I was always screwing up.
And lemme tell you, that was a rough place to be.
But I probably don't have to tell you.
I had a lovely conversation with one of my oldest friends the other day.  I mean oldest in both senses of the word.  I "adopted" a 50 some year old lady when I was 7 years old, and she's been one of my best friends ever since.  But part of that conversation was drenched in tears, as she expressed that she felt the same way I've just been describing.
But my God cannot be a God of shame.  He does not dangle his love over our heads, like an unreachable carrot.

"God is love." — I John 4:8b

God himself is love

Feelings are great.  But they can also tell lies.  Where do lies come from?

"You are of your father the devil...he is a liar and the father of lies." — John 8:44b NLT

Lies are from the devil.  How do we fight these lies?

"...your word is truth." — John 17:17b ESV

With the truth!  Truth is the only way to fight lies!  Truth is incredibly freeing!

"And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”" — John 8:32 NLT

And what is the truth?  The truth is...  God loves you.  Jesus died for you, so that you could have a new life.  You are God's most precious treasure, he adores you!  We are his children!  If you stumble or slip, all you have to do is go to him and confess your sins, and he is ready and willing to forgive you!  He gives you strength, so that you can do anything he's called you to do!  And he is not about to leave you.

"“For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." — John 3:16 NLT

 "So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children.  Now we call him, “Abba, Father.”" — Romans 8:15 NLT

"But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." — I John 1:9

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." — Philippians 4:13 NLT

"...be satisfied with what you have. For God has said, “I will never fail you.  I will never abandon you.”" — Hebrews 13:5b NLT

Get yourself a list of promises from the Bible!  Look up the areas you struggle in, and put them in a word document, write them down, commit them to your memory.  When you're struggling, pull up that word document, grab your list, run through those verses in your mind, remind yourself that these feelings?  They are feelings.  It's okay to recognize that you feel this way, but it's even more important to recognize that no matter what your feelings are telling you, God's word is giving you the truth against the lies your feelings are telling you.