What Can I Do?

It was an ordinary Wednesday evening at my house.  I was cleaning up some of my kitchen, trying to get cookies made for a potluck we're doing at work tomorrow, and starting to feel discouraged.  You see, when God handed out gifts, one he did not give me was the ability to keep my kitchen clean.  Then, there was a little whisper.
"How are you supposed to pack everything and move three hours away when you can't even keep your kitchen clean?" (I'll be making a post about it later on, but I've accepted a ministry job offer, and I am so excited to start it, it's just that I'll be moving three hours away)
I started to feel discouraged.  It was right after all.  I can't keep my kitchen clean.  I try, and then I get overwhelmed, or distracted, or I'm at work, and it's difficult to clean a kitchen that is 30 minutes away from you.  In fact, I struggle with keeping my entire house clean.  Especially with a pandemic that makes it so that I don't have to clean for company to come over (company is a huge incentive to clean house for me).
Then...I remembered something.

"For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength." — Philippians 4:13 NLT

If you've seen War Room, you probably remember the scene where the woman went through her entire house, denouncing the devil, telling him that he had no place in her home, or in her life.  You can watch that scene here.
I went on a rampage.  I yelled at Satan and told him that if God has placed it on my heart to move three hours away, where I only have two friends, and to do a difficult job, then God will also give me the strength to do what he's asked me to do.
I told him that he is a liar and the father of lies.

"When he lies, it is consistent with his character; for he is a liar and the father of lies." — John 8:44b NLT

I told him that the abyss, hell, the lake of fire, was made for him and his angels.  Not for me, not for anyone in the town I'm living in, and not for anyone in the town I'm moving to.  That God has asked me to be his hands and feet and spread the good news, and that he can't stop me, and that there are people he will not be allowed to have, because I am determined to share God with them.

"Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:" — Matthew 25:41 KJV

 I informed him that I can do everything through Christ.  And everything means everything.  I can do something little, like getting my kitchen cleaned, something bigger like packing up and moving three hours away where I only have two friends, and, if it ever comes down to it, something huge, like allowing someone to kill me rather than renouncing the name of Jesus.
Everything means everything.
I also told Satan that he doesn't belong in my house, and he definitely doesn't belong whispering things in my mind.  I told him that I know he hates having scripture quoted at him, but that maybe he should have just not tried whispering lies into my mind.  I told him that I know how weak I am, and how scared and nervous I am of moving away from my friends, my family, and my church family.  And that it's okay, because God's strength is perfect in my weakness.

"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me." — II Corinthians 12:9 ESV

I screamed at him.  I yelled at him.  I told him that he didn't belong here.  Because he doesn't.  He doesn't belong in my house, whispering things into my mind trying to make me doubt not only myself, but God.  God told me to fill out the job application, God gave me the job, and God is moving me and will provide a place to live when I get there.  God promises to take care of me.  He knows my needs before I ask!

"Don’t be like them, for your Father knows exactly what you need even before you ask him!" — Matthew 6:8 NLT

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus." — Philippians 4:19 NLT

 Guys!  If God calls you to do something, if he brings you to a ministry, to a crossroads, and it's something that he wants you to do, you can do it.  Christ is giving you strength!  Do you remember what his strength accomplished?  He raised the dead to life.  He healed the blind and the lame, he cleansed people of leprosy, multiplied five loaves and two fish to the point that not only was everyone fed, but there were several baskets left over!!!  AND HE IS GIVING YOU STRENGTH!!!  Is that not incredible?!
You can do everything through Christ who gives you strength!  Everything!  From the small, to the large, and everything in between!  There are verses about how our faith can move mountains!  I've been to Colorado only twice, but I would like to tell you that the mountains are a wee bit big.
I do have to throw a wrench in this and say that if it's not God's will, no amount of wishing will make it so.  The II Corinthians verse earlier in this post was after Paul had repeatedly asked God to please remove this thorn in the flesh.  He had faith.  But God told him that he worked best through Paul's weakness, and that no, he would not remove his thorn.
But that's a whole different topic, for a whole different post.
Guys, I'm over here scared to move a measly three hours away, doubting my capabilities because of a messy kitchen.  But I can do it.  It's what God's asked me to do, and he isn't going to bring me to this crossroads, then leave me high and dry.  I can do everything, through Christ who gives me strength, because his spirit lives in me.

"The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. " — Romans 8:11a NLT

Stop. Praying.

Alright, that was more than a little click-baity, coming from me, and obviously I'm not encouraging you not to pray, because that would violate I Thessalonians 5:17.

"Never stop praying." — I Thessalonians 5:17 NLT

Please pray.  Pray is our greatest weapon.  Unfortunately, often, it's also our greatest copout.
I'm in several groups on Facebook, and in one of them we have daily discussions and questions and polls.  One of the questions was, "If you're nonreligious, do you get offended when people say they're praying for you?"  Unfortunately, the answer was often, "Yes, because they say that instead of actually offering help and support."
And sadly...they're right.
I'm wonderfully blessed to be part of a church that is constantly giving their time and resources.  They show fruit and shine God's light.  I've also been in churches where those who desperately needed help were ignored or even helped by members of a different church.  Churches where they'll pray for you all day long, but when you need help, you're on your own.
That's the exact opposite of what we, as Christians, are to do.

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." — James 1:27 NLT

Who are the orphans and widows?  Obviously we do have widows and orphans.  Kiddos in the foster care system (over 400K of them), single mothers, and children in single parent homes (over 24 MILLION).  Care for them!  I would have killed (slight exaggeration) to have a father figure who didn't leave or abuse me as a child, who would take me to father/daughter dances and just been a safe adult man that I could have had a close friendship with.
It doesn't take much.  Sometimes all that's needed is a listening ear.  Sometimes what's needed is someone to mow the yard.  Sometimes it's just an extra hug, or financial aid.  Sometimes that may mean opening up your home to foster children (a couple in my church is setting up and planning to adopt through the foster care...TWENTY kids, not just one).

"A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself." — Matthew 22:39 NLT

When Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, he said to love God, and that this was the second greatest commandment.  Loving others.  Not just loving others, but loving them as yourself.
As someone who has struggled with mental illness, I'm gonna be honest, I don't always love myself, and sometimes I don't take care of myself.  But I always make sure that I have food available to eat, even if I don't feel like eating, I always make sure that I have my utilities on, I always make sure that my cat has food, I always make sure that I have plenty of enjoyable activities like art and video games.  That's how I love myself and take care of myself.
Likewise, I should make sure that my friends, family, neighbors, strangers, those around me who I have the opportunity to help have those things.  If I can help, I should.  Not just sit here and go, "Oh, God, my friend Annabelle doesn't have food in her cupboard, please provide her some food!" then go buy myself some Taco Bell.
I shouldn't sit here and go, "Oh, God, my friend Ronald is sad and lonely, and needs someone to remind him of your love, please send him someone to tell him that you love him!" then scroll by.
I shouldn't drive past the beggar on the side of the road and go, "Oh, God, first of all I bet he's a drunk and so I won't give him money, but good grief give him some help!" when I have some money I can give.

"Give to those who ask, and don’t turn away from those who want to borrow." — Matthew 5:42 NLT

Furthermore, we are told specifically to give to anyone who asks.  Anyone.  Unless you honestly feel GOD himself pressing you not to give, then you need to give.  I need to give.  What they do with the money you give is between them and God.  If they are not a good steward of what God gives them through you, that is a them problem.  What is a you problem is when you refuse to give, due to your own biases.

"Sell your possessions and give to those in need. This will store up treasure for you in heaven!" — Luke 12:33a NLT

Reading this verse in the full context, it's referring to not worrying about your daily needs because God already knows your needs and will take care of you.
I, personally, can attest to this.  I don't make a lot of money.  I make the opposite of a lot of money.  However, since I've moved out on my own, I haven't had anything shut off.  Not the super important utilities, to the less important Netflix.  God has taken care of me.  When I've needed help, it's come.  Sometimes without even asking anyone other than God.

"And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’" Matthew 25:40 NLT

He's Gone

I am writing this from a place of grief.  There are many directions this post can go, because there are so many emotions that come from this.
I wrote awhile back about my missing kitty.  You can read that post here.  He isn't missing anymore.  But he's gone.  Thursday, I found his body.  He had hidden himself deep in a closet under a bunch of things so we couldn't find him.  I think he knew how much it would destroy me to find his body, so tried to hide from me.
I am aware that we're in the middle of a pandemic...but, I admit that it was the furthest thing from my mind when I saw his tail.  I couldn't even move anything else to get him out.  I called my mom, who came and got him out for me.  She gave me his collar and said that she and my stepdad would take care of the wood for a coffin.  He was a special cat.  He deserves more than a hole in the ground and a blanket.  I said I wished that I had the money to cremate him.
She took him home with her so that they could measure him for the coffin, then texted me a bit later to let me know that they would foot the bill to have him cremated.  We took him into the vet today to be cremated.  I don't have him home yet.
Thursday I cried for about 6 hours straight before I ran out of tears and gave myself a massive headache.  I've been crying on and off for about 4 or 5 hours now, and it's almost bedtime.
Poro was a good cat.  He was a special cat.  I know I'm biased because he was mine, but I've never met (heard of, yes, but never met) another cat who would sit on command.  I've never met another cat who could climb up a tree and come down with a bird.  He purred so loudly.  He loved to walk on my spleen.  He loved me and my mom, but if a stranger came over, he would stare at them wide-eyed before running upstairs and hiding.  If you met him, and if he let you pet him, you are a special human.
You might think that I'm stupid, or at the very least acting stupid for being so distraught about this.  "He's just a cat."  But he wasn't.  He was my baby.  I would have braved a snake for him.  I tried to leave him at my parents when I moved, so that he could still go outside, because he loved outside.  But this house wasn't a home until I had my Poro.  I'm brokenhearted.  I'll probably be crying for several more days.
And this is about the time, where if you remember that this isn't a personal blog, you start asking what this has to do with God and his love.
Because God cares!  He cares that I can barely see the words I'm typing because I am crying again.  He cares that I lost my baby.  He cares, even though my baby was a cat.  He is here with me, for me, near me.  He loves me, and he loves Poro.

"He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds." — Psalm 147:3 NLT

There are no limits to the reasons for having the broken heart.  If you're broken hearted, he's there.

“Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.” — I Peter 5:7 NLT

He cares because I care.  He wants to hear that I am sad.  He wants to hear that I am brokenhearted.  He wants to hear that I miss my baby.  Because he cares about me.

"What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it." — Matthew 10:29 NLT

God knows when the sparrows fall to the ground.  He knows when they die.  He cares about them.  And Poro is bigger than a sparrow.  Poro would eat the sparrow that fell to the ground...in fact, he would be the reason the sparrow fell to the ground.  And God cares about him, too.

"Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest." — Matthew 11:28 NLT

I can go to him for rest, because this is a burden.  Grieving is exhausting, and it takes time.  A lot more time than I wish.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”" — Revelation 21:4 NLT

 I've been crying a lot lately.  I messaged my friend and said, "Hello, my name is Katie and I am a water fountain."  God is going to wipe those tears away from my eyes.  There's no more crying because of things like this.  There's no more death.  There's no more sorrow, or pain of loss.
I don't know if Poro will be in heaven.  Some people say no, some people say yes, some people say that the pets of the saints will be there, and I so very hope that they are, because the thought of never being able to hold my Poro again makes me start crying all over again.  Besides, none of the animals ever did anything wrong to be subjected to the curse.  It was mankind's fault.
I am hurting right now.  Not everyone understands.  They don't have to.  But, I also know that it's okay for me to mourn.

"A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance." — Ecclesiastes 3:4 NLT

"Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted." — Matthew 5:4 KJV

Through this suffering, I am not alone.  I have friends who have done everything from give me space, to send me pictures of bunnies without expectation of reply, to listen to me talk about what a good boy Poro was.  And when I'm all alone in my house crying, there is a God, my father...my daddy, who hears me cry, and wraps me in his arms and gives me peaceful sleep and comfort.

"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort." — II Corinthians 1:3

(Poro, laying on my blanket, being cute and sweet)