And I'm gonna tell you...part of me was like, "Yes, I want to post this." But after that initial thought, the friends who flashed across my mind were people who would snort or roll their eyes at a post like this. Shrug, say that they're good people (and honestly, for the most part I'd agree), that if Jesus loves them, he's not going to send them to hell, because they are good people.
Basically...if this were my last post, and that's what I said...I'd still have done no good.
My hope is that my last post on Facebook, on this blog, on any of my social media, does not tell someone that I want them to follow Jesus, but to show them why I do follow him.
People don't respond well to being told what to do. At least I don't, and I'm pretty sure I'm a people. People respond better when they are shown by example. At least that's true of me, and again, I am pretty sure I'm a people. However, I could be a cleverly disguised beaver in a trench coat. Who knows at this point?
So, instead of telling you that I hope you'll follow Jesus and that he loves you...I'm going to tell you why I follow Jesus/God, and how I know that he loves me.
1. I follow Jesus and love him, because he loves me.
"We love because he first loved us." — I John 4:19 ESVI know that God loves me. Because no matter what I've done, he's never let go of me. I'm not perfect, I'm not an angel, and unlike what one of my friends has called me since they've met me...I am not innocent.
I know that God loves me, because in my darkest hours, when I've cried out for a friend, he has provided. He provided Alex when I was on the verge of giving up my faith, he provided Xander when I was drowning in shame for things I'd long since been forgiven of, and even tonight, he provided Marina when I felt afraid, and as though all my friends and family were going to abandon me. All three of the people I listed by name were answers to prayers.
When I met Alex, I was the lowest in my faith that I had ever been. I was barely reading my Bible, I had given up tithing. My prayers were cries to God, telling him that I wanted to be a good Christian, but I felt helpless, was worn out, and giving up. Meeting Alex is the best thing that has ever happened for my faith, because I began attending my church, and found the first church family I have ever had in my entire life at 18 years old.
When Xander came, I was at an extremely low point. I had been making extremely poor decisions, both personally and especially for my faith. I had confessed this to God, to my pastor and his wife, and these were not decisions I was making any longer, but I was still so ashamed of where I'd been, and had other external factors pressing on me, and hurting me, that I didn't see how I could move forward. Xander came to visit, and gave me the name for this blog—without knowing or realizing it—when he reminded me that God is a God of love, not a God of shame. He was an encouragement I desperately needed.
And tonight...Marina, she was an answer to pray for God to give me a friend so that I would know I wasn't alone and abandoned. My depression and anxiety have had me crying almost every day for the past 7 days. Maybe longer. They've had me struggling and panicking for the past 2-3 weeks. February/March tend to be rough months for my mental health. I've been feeling alone.
Marina is a good friend from church. We don't spend much time together outside of church, because between work and illness, and just general exhaustion, if one of us is good to go, the other just wants to lay on the couch and stop existing for 3 hours (nap, I mean nap, we want to nap). She saw me crying at church yesterday (I started writing this on a Monday and it's been saved in my drafts ever since), because yes, I go to church even if I'm a royal mess, because I need to be with my family and no one ever makes me feel ashamed for crying at church. She messaged me this morning telling me that she was thinking about me, praying for me, and offered up Minecraft as an activity we could do together, just so I could get my mind off of stuff.
So...I went. Played Minecraft. And...between Minecraft, pizza, lighthearted conversations, and deep conversations...that was what I needed. A friend.
There are many reasons why I love Jesus, and I hope to make this into a series showcasing some of the reasons why I love and follow Jesus.
But honestly, the biggest reason that I love and follow Jesus is because when I finally learned that he was a God of love, not a God who I had to twist myself into a knot just to please so that he wouldn't get mad at me and leave...I finally knew what love was. Or, I thought I did. I am still learning what love is. Because I'm still learning more and more about God, and God is love.
"God is love." — I John 4:8 ESVI love and follow Jesus...because I know he loves me.
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